Monday, September 11, 2006

I Like Old People

OK, first of all, I want to say that the following has nothing to do with books or puddles, or even bookpuddles©, per se.
It’s just something I’m wondering, is all.
I promise, tomorrow I will rebound, and say something bookish and somewhat erudite, I swear to God.
But for now…
OK, let’s say you are driving somewhere and you get a bit distracted and you have to pick your nose for a bit. I mean…. what I am saying is that IT CAN’T WAIT.

Not this time, it can’t.
And so you do it.
You wait till there’s a break in the action, a red light.
Then you’re doing it.
And there’s nothing to be ashamed about, it happens to everyone.
Even the Queen of England does it [with a glove on] and so this is what you are even thinking, you’re saying, “Even the Queen does this,” just as you look
over at the car next to you and there is someone who is looking right at you.

You’re drilling away.
Here’s my question…
There are only two possibilities, in the current scenario.
A) The person next to you is about 80 years old. They shouldn’t even be driving a car.
B) The person next to you is like not even 16. They should not have a driver’s license.

Which would you rather it be?

Now seriously, not that this actually happened to me lately or anything, like when I was turning left onto Cyrville off of Innes Road [by the Costco/Price-Club] today, like, Wendy’s is right there?.... but my own answer to the above hypothetical question is that I would way rather it was the ancient person.
The ancient person…. they’ve seen it all. THEY DO NOT EVEN FLINCH!
What the hell does it matter if you are picking your nose?
It takes them 45 minutes to get into their pajamas at night! They were in World War I AND World War II.
Does it really matter to them that you’ve got something going on in your proboscis?
Let’s envision the other scenario….

This kid is not only laughing and pointing…. but he or she has already text-messaged a few friends, taken a photo with the cell phone, downloaded something onto YouTube© …. created an entire website called…..
You know what I mean?
Do you?

I like old people..
I really do.
I like old people.



Anonymous said...

Ok, this is just too friggin' much! (I see your point though, and I have to say I agree).
God save the Queen!!

patricia said...


YOU'RE a hoot. Holy moly. That is just too damn funny.

And you know what? So true.

That's why I try very hard to never pick my nose in public.

Damn kids!

S William said...

"The person next to you is about 80 years old. They shouldn’t even be driving a car."

Believe it or not, I used to work in healthcare. For 5 years I performed vision exams on many aged 50 and up, and you would be shocked at how few of them actually have a current glasses prescription. They are picking their schnoz because think the rest fo the world sees them with blurry vision.

Anonymous said...

Can you be any funnier?

Yes, Patricia, I agree. In fact, it’s BECAUSE it’s true that it’s so funny!
Not that we would catch cipriano engaging in such a debased act.

I had a daughter that was severely allergic and everything that could go into her nose, DID go into her nose. Beans, beads, a pussy willow.

Hey! It itched!
(Itches: yet another blog topic for your dauntless compendium of Guidelines for Mannerly Living.)

When I had to race her to her pediatrician so he could fish around in there (to the tune of $75) to dig out a frozen pea that she had resolutely jammed up there…that’s when I stopped telling her to leave her nose alone.

Pick away, Girl! Have at it! That was my new motto.

I wonder how other cultures view this "private" practice. In Japan, where my daughter lived for a year, you weren’t to be seen in public with a toothpick in your mouth. The more daring of men would perform the scandalous act behind their hand - a furtive and covert operation.

I’ll be checking on YouTube for updates. Better than Reality TV. Really.

As always...great entertainment, cipriano.

Anomie-Atlanta said...

You may have changed my view that people over the age of 75 should be: 1) Sent to "the farm", much like disappearing family pets or 2) shrunken, so they can live together in tiny colonies while using very little resources.

You should be an advocate for the elderly!!

Stefanie said...

At first I thought, the kid! the kid! But you are ever wise. The elderly person is the best choice.

cipriano said...

Real interesting stuff here.
Japan and all.
The cultural responses to nasal mucus.
Someone should do a study.
--> Jane Goodal?
--> David Suzuki?

"Pick, Blow, Inhale, or Smear: The Four Options of Nose-Mucous Removal Among Primates in Japan."


"Tibetan Snot Taboos: A Retrospective."


"Neanderthal Cave-Drawings Reveal That the Kleenex-Auger© Pre-dates The Invention of the Wheel!"

No. Wait. Here's the one I want to see...

"Snap! Crackle! Snot!A Behind-The-Scenes Look At How The Original Rice-Krispies Jingle Failed To Catch on With Cereal-Eaters."