I’ve known a lot of dogs, and really, only a small percentage of them were actually sick at any given time. Perhaps it is because when they do get sick, it is hard to diagnose what is wrong? Difficult to cure a sick dog? Is that it?
At any rate, yesterday and today, I have been “sicker than a dog!”
Toward the end of Monday’s work day I noticed that my legs, from butt to ankle, were killing me. And I had a headache. And I was unbearably tired.
When I got home I was useless. I went to sleep very early, and I was freezing, even though I had turned the temperature up to somewhere just below “Broil.”
So I had a very fitful sleep.
When I awoke this morning, I actually felt not bad. That is, until I got OUT of bed.
Total dizziness and nausea struck me like a hammer while I was brushing my teeth.
So I called my boss and told him I’d be staying home.
I still don’t know exactly what was wrong with me. I seem to be getting over it now.
In the early afternoon I had to make a trip to the supermarket to pick up some pain reliever. I was all out of headache pills.
So [as always] I grabbed a basket and started buying more stuff than I really need.
Ends up I had a basketfull of junk and was just about to go to the cashier when I remembered what I had really come there for.
One cashier was sort of standing off to the side, I think she was on break.
She looked at me and I said, “I need headache stuff.”
[I looked a bit like that Una-bomber guy after they had dragged him out of his shack in the wilderness, you know?]
She quickly said, “Right this way…” and it was all I could do to keep up with her, as she led me to the pharmacy department.
I immediately was reminded of the Jerry Seinfeld routine, where he says:
To me the only thing tougher than the supermarket is the drugstore.
The drugstore's really challenging because you have no idea what they're talking about.
You're just looking at the ingredients.
I had a cold a couple of weeks ago.
So I go in there and I'm looking...
The entire wall is cold medication.
And you can't understand anything so you're just reading ingredients.
Did you ever catch yourself reading ingredients in the drugstore?
"Oh, this has .03 tetrahydroziline! That’s a good amount of that."
But it's so hard to figure out.
Here’s one that’s “quick acting.” This other one is “long lasting.”
"Hmm, when do I need to feel good?"
"Now or later?"
I don't know.
Then they tell you about the pain relieving ingredient.
There's always gotta be a lot of that.
Nobody wants anything less than “extra-strength”.
"Extra-strength" is the absolute minimum.
You can’t even get “strength”. “Strength” is out now.
It's all “extra-strength”.
Some people are not satisfied with “extra”. They want “maximum”.
"Give me the maximum-strength."
"Give me the maximum allowable human dosage."
"Figure out what will kill me… and then back it off a little bit."
So I’m standing there thinking all of this and she is giving me a tour of the pharmacy shelf. For someone that rarely buys headache pills, it actually is confusing.
She recommended the Extra-Strength Tylenol Rapid-Release Gelcaps.
“These work really fast,” she says. “I use them all the time for my cancer pain.”
“Cancer?” I said.
“Uh-huh,” she said as she handed me one of the boxes and we walked back to an open cashier till.
She rang me through. She was so nice.
I popped a couple of these pills in my car as I drove home and ate them down with an apple I had just bought. I felt better before I even got back here.
I may be sicker than a dog, but those two words from that cashier made me realize that I should not even complain about whatever it is that is wrong with me today!