Saturday, July 07, 2007

Piano Abuse

Just today, in cyber-conversation with my favorite person in the world, she asked…
Did you have a piano in the house when you were growing up?
[This blog is my answer.]
We did.
We had a piano in our house.
But no one could play the thing.
The house is not ours anymore. As to the fate of that piano, I am not sure. But I reckon it is still there, in that house on Argyle Street!
The reason I can be almost sure of it, is because the only reason we had it, is because when we moved there, in 1972, the former owners of the place could not get the piano OUT!
Somehow the original family got it INTO the house, but could not get it out, because of a certain bend in the stairway.
Faced with this problem, my dad just bought the thing from them.
As in, he paid a bit extra I guess. And we had a piano in the basement.
But no one could play it.
And no one ever did!

The closest anyone ever got to doing anything with that piano was when yours truly here, Cipriano The Great© , beat the living hell out of the poor thing with my drumsticks.
See, I was a drummer! [CLICK HERE for the full report.]
Since birth, I have wanted to hit things, with sticks!
So naturally, seeing that old piano sitting there….. just looking at it for so long… well, it started to bug me.
One day I went over to it, [it was one of these upright jobbies, like in the picture, above]…. and I opened up the lid, and pounded on the naked, exposed, quivering strings there. Never in the history of the world has there been greater piano abuse than what I inflicted on that thing!
And then I went one better.
Closing the lid, I commenced pounding on all of the nice white keys, with the drumsticks, chipping the ivory all to hell. All the keys were now jagged and busted-er than a Jack’O’Lantern’s grin!
[I have since learned that there are countries in the world where such a thing is punishable by death!]
But we lived in Canada, where nearly everything is perfectly legal!
That piano remained so neglected that no one ever even noticed its dental injuries.
Much less questioned the guilty!

And for all we know, it's still sitting there in its dungeon.
Chipped, and unplayed.


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