Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Totally NOT Happening©

Well, on the weekend I wasted a pile of gas by driving to the theatre to waste some money on tickets and then sit in a seat, wasting my time enduring 100 minutes of quite possibly the worst movie that has ever been made in the history of cinema.
The Happening.
Umm…. The Happening is totally NOT happening!
Really, even if I were to try and find some kind of generous statement to try and say one good thing about this movie, it would be something like….. umm… it has a great poster? Like I was expecting something with at least the resemblance of some sort of half-believable story content?
I was disappointed. Immensely.
This is just a bad movie. It is terrible.
The premise? Well, trees and grass and other types of foliage are giving off some sort of fumes that make people kill themselves. No explanation of how or why they are doing this, is ever given, by the way!
Yeah, the trees are making people launch themselves from building tops, pick up guns and shoot themselves, take out their hairpins and ram them into their neck, put lawnmowers into gear and then set themselves underneath the blades, walk into lion cages at the zoo… and get this one… the trees are making people ram their vehicles into trees.
[You would think that the tree would not like this last method!]
Gratuitous violence, pitiful special effects, and horrid story.
Terrible acting. [Mark Wahlberg, SHAME on you!]
Terrible non-story.
Huge waste of time.
I KNEW I should have went to The Love Guru!
Someone at work overheard me saying how terrible The Happening was, and then they poked their head into the lunchroom and unabashedly announced that they Happened© to love the movie.
And I said, “Yeah! But you like watching WWF Wrestling, too!”
‘Nuff said.
My advice, if you feel the urge to see this movie?
Stay home and watch your plants grow!

*******

8 comments:

Maalie said...

You wouldn't even countenance watching the DVD at home with a couple of mates and a case of beer?

Maria said...

I think films like that must make you really scary (I dont remember any such film of the category) or must be so silly that you can laugh about it. I think of Tarantula (1955) or Killer Tomatoes (1978, a spoof of B-movies) and also of Hitchcock's "The Birds" (1963)which is so badly animated, it destroys any suspense, and you can only laugh today...
We watch Starwars at home, again and again, then we pause for a year, and then we watch again...
Kind regards, Maria

Beth said...

I'm cracking up here - and not because of your review. I trust you and won't bother seeing the movie. (Probably wouldn't have anyway.)
I'm laughing because my sister (nasty girl) gave me plastic plants for my birthday! It would be an exercise in futility staying home to watch them grow!

May said...

Poor Cippie-Cippie,
how disappointing was it?
Smile: another weekend is in sight.

stefanie said...

Too bad. It looked like it had potential too. Who knew trees cold be so dangerous? We should cut them all done as fast as we can! ;)

patricia said...

The director M. Night Shy(however you spell his last name) is having a tough time living up to his first film, The Sixth Sense, isn't he? His last movie (Lady in the Water) was a real bomb, too. Though I must confess that I really liked The Village – very thought-provoking film. I'll probably end up watching this one on DVD...

Matt said...

That's some very passionate opinion there! :) Friends of mine have mentioned it thinking the film would be really spooky and happening. Guess we'll have to go to another one!

cipriano said...

Thank you all for your comments.
In the meantime, for all and sundry, I once again emphasize, and seriously now, I cannot be more emphatic about my emphasization... DO WHATEVER ELSE YOU CAN POSSIBLY DO WHICH DOES NOT INVOLVE GOING TO SEE THIS MOVIE!

Water your plants!
Straighten your stereo wires!
Play a violin concerto for that oak tree out back.
Eat a hangyburr.
But do not go to this movie. Don't pay money for it.
Something is not quite right with M. Night Shamrock-alama there! Trust me!