Sunday, March 22, 2009

COSTCO Makes You Mental

Have you ever gone to COSTCO, just thinking you were going to walk around in there and not buy stuff, and then what happens is you buy half the store?
It happened to me today.
Everything looks so good! All of a sudden you feel like you NEED so many things that [minutes ago] you had no idea you needed so badly… because there it all is, on some kind of exaggerated plastic-wrapped armageddonous level.
I found myself actually feeling that I NEED a bulk supply of canned tuna… and salmon! My God, I just stacked away into my shelves here enough canned fish to last me for at least five of the seven years of The Great Tribulation! [Now that I’m a heretic, there’s no way I’m going in the Rapture, so I’ve got to be prepared.]
I’ve got enough Stagg Silverado© chili to get me through those last 24 months.
OK, enough with the theology.
The point is, I even bought new plates and bowls, [see above photo] to eat all of this stuff in!
And the thing is, I already have enough plates and bowls.
See?
That’s what COSTCO does to you.
It makes you do mental things!
Just in case I turn into a werewolf at some point in the near future, I bought the bulk package of Gillette shave cream. And enough Excel peppermint flavor gum to last a veritable lifetime of halitosis.
I must admit though, these plates and bowls? I like the simplicity of them… they’re all about efficiency.
They’ve got some great capacity. They’re big. And I like my supper to be…. big.
I can hardly wait till tomorrow morning when I fill that blue-edged bowl with a few bushels of cereal from my ten-pound box of COSTCO jumbo End-Times Flakes©.

Reminds me of Jethro from that old show The Beverley Hillbillies.
Uncle Jed walks into the kitchen where Jethro is literally shoveling cereal into his face from one of Granny’s big huge mixing bowls….
“Boy, how many bowls of that cereal have you had?”
“Just one, Uncle Jed. Filled it four times.”

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4 comments:

Melanie said...

How come I never saw any boxes of End Times Flakes in all those scary movies they showed us in Sunday School? Hmm.

Beth said...

A thoughtful comment regarding a post does not consist of, “This cracked me up!” or “I’m laughing.” Yet again, that’s what I have to say.
Unlike you and Jethro, I prefer a smaller cereal bowl but my kids use the larger ones. Is it a guy thing?

Stefanie said...

LOL, no wonder you had a dream in which you were eaten by tuna! I stay away from Costco but I have a similar problem on a smaller scale when I go to Target. I just need to pick up a birthday card for someone and I walk out with some new clothes, a blender and some sheets that were marked down so low I couldn't pass them by!

Alyce said...

Thanks for the laugh! I especially loved the bit about the End Times Flakes. :)