Think about it.
Just wee little other bugs and stuff?
No hamburger ever?
And think of all the WAITING involved.
OK, so [wicked bad karma!] you’re a frigging spider.
Doomed to shoot these webs out of your ass in the hopes that some other thing is going to fly into it. [Into the web, like!]
Well, today I am sitting there at lunch-time, all alone, [in the non air-conditioned warehouse] reading Salman Rushdie, when something catches my eye down at the bottom of the microwave cabinet. Some sort of…… activity.
So I put the book down.
My Spidey-Sense© is tingling.
In all seriousness now, there could not be a more non-eventful warehouse on the face of the Earth than my warehouse where I spend most of my life.
But here’s this optimistic spider.
He’s obviously read Dale Carnegie’s best-seller, How To Spin Friends and Ingest Recent Acquaintances!
Then just got on down there into this real skungy area and started spinning webs out of his butt.
And, lo and behold, something flew into it.
I know this because now I am down on all-fours, watching him methodically spin the struggling pilot into some sort of sick death-spiral, but at the same time I’m cheering for this cruel beast!
Way to go, Mr. Spider.
I would have NEVER had the patience….
[….. his little legs are spinning away……]
How long have you waited for this meal? Sixteen years?
Living on stored-up Kraft Dinner reserves? Is that what’s going on here?
You’re obviously not on Ab-Master©, I can see the bulge in the middle!
To wait for food to FLY to you!
I can’t imagine.
It’s hard for me to get back into my chair, but when I do, I refocus on my Swanson’s Turkey Dinner©.
I am the superior species!
I shot absolutely nothing out of my rear end to acquire this tray of yummy food.
But to get RID of it later on today?
Well, admittedly, that’s probably going to be a bit violent, yes!