Friday, November 20, 2009

5 Weirdnesses...

........ about me!

OK, today at work, it was a little slow at work, really -- I was all alone all day in a huge warehouse and it was weird because as soon as I got to work and disengaged the alarm, I realized I had forgotten my watch at home.
I NEVER do that!
I cannot live without knowing what time it is ALL THE TIME!
So, I was sort of disoriented all day, and I was feeling weird.
Then I started thinking about how generally weird I really am.
Here are 5 Weird Things About Me --

1) I sometimes drink the hot-dog water. You know when you boil wieners? Well sometimes, when the stuff cools off a bit..... I know. I should not have admitted this in any sort of public forum, huh? The guy drinks tepid pork-cylinder effluent. Yep! That's totally normal.

2) This is going to be very anti-Western-hemisphere of a thing to say, but I don't really enjoy watching TV. Plus, I have never bought a single television set in my life.... yet I have always HAD one. Different ones, like.

3) I steal other people's TV's. No, just kidding. Third weird thing about me -- when I was a kid I literally believed that gravy was something that grew in the garden, along with the potatoes. And not only this, I also believed that the spuds came out of the ground in some kind of pre-mashed format. With gravy... sort of on the side. When my parents enlightened me as to the real state of things, I was profoundly devastated.

4) I've carried the same wallet with me, everywhere I go, since 1983. That calculates to 26 years. In fact, our anniversary is coming soon. This is not even the weird thing.
The weird thing is that when I contemplate getting a new one, I get sort of nervous.

5) My skin has some sort of amazing aversion to drying out. My brother's hands are life-threateningly dried and chapped always, and he does not even do the intense physical work that I do on a daily basis. Everyone I work with wears gloves at all times, and their hands still get dried out because of the nature of the material we are handling. Yet mine? I wear no gloves, and have never had a problem. Go figure. Last Sunday I was speaking with three of my friends, we were having coffee, and all three of them [we are all "roughly" the same age] were complaining of horridly horrific problems with dry skin. Chafing..... and all manner of other profanity. I was like, "What the hell are you guys talking about?"

Hmmmm...... maybe it's a side-effect of all that hot-dog water in my system?



Shark said...

OMG, cold hot dog water!? That is by far the weirdest (and grossest) thing I've ever learned about you!
I gave my television away about 3 or 4 years ago and haven't regretted it once. Now if only I can give away my computer, or at least the youtube part of it...
You bought your wallet the same year I was born--weird, I don't even carry a wallet.

Jeane said...

I know of someone who eats cold crisco out of the can. What's weirder- stright lard, or hotdog water? I can't decide.

rhapsodyinbooks said...

On balance, I would suppose the hot dog WATER is better for you than the actual hot dog. Maybe if you could restrict yourself to JUST the water, and you won't suffer from all the other weirdnesses!

Anonymous said...

Yikes! Hot dog water!!! Then again, now I know what to get you for Christmas, and it won't cost me a fortune! You're the epitome of the "cheap date"!
I'm laughing over here....I just HAVE to tell your homie about this. He already questions your taste in beer, but this should disturb him even more!

Stefanie said...

Hot dog water? Eeew! I don't do TV either. I have one but since the signal went digital I can only watch DVDs on it. Prior to that it served my husband many years of Simpsons episodes and me the daily weather report. I am curious what your wallet is made from that it can last 26 years and not have worn out?

Dorothy W. said...

I'm with you on the TV too. The gravy thing made me laugh -- how cute!

cipriano said...

Shark, Jeane, Rhapsody, C, Stefanie, Dorothy, I am guilty as charged. I AM WEIRD!
Stefanie... this serious Endure-O-Wallet is an English Goatskin by Tilley.
Those English goats -- they've got tough hides!