The Hollering Scheme©

Have you ever wondered why The Simpsons© are yellow?
Seriously though, think about it, they are all a bright yellow.
Plague of jaundice, you suppose?
Hell no!
It’s all about marketing.
The fact is, the creators did extensive research prior to developing the sitcom, and they discovered that yellow was a channel-surfing inhibitor! As TV-viewers flipped through channels, they tended to stop for longer periods of time when something yellow appeared on their screens.
Hence, The Simpsons© and most other characters on the show are enfleshed in bright yellow. [I wonder why Marge’s hair is blue though? Must be a reason!]
So much of what passes by us every day is all about marketing. We seldom think of it.
Unless you are me.
I am forever trying to uncover The Secrets of Marketing.
Like for instance, here I am sitting at a Starbucks, writing this.
If anyone knows anything about effective marketing, it is Starbucks. [They sure have reeled me in!] I am convinced that Starbucks will one day take over the world, basically. Recently they have announced that they are expanding to 50,000 locations? [I plan to try and visit them all!]
First lunar coffeeshop?
It will be a Starbucks, for sure.

OK, my current investigative work involves their procedure when you actually ORDER a coffee.
Here’s what happens, as if you don’t know the gameplan yourself.
There is a ubiquitous lineup of caffeine addicts, and then buddy in front places his order.
The cashier then hollers this order out to the barista that is already preparing the thing because they heard the original order anyway, and then, the barista [needlessly] hollers it back to the cashier.
It’s like this:
Guy ordering: -->”Yeah, I’ll have a Double-Tall sugarfree vanilla non-fat no-foam lactose-intolerant extra-hot caramel machiatto?”
Cashier hollering: --> “Double-Tall sugarfree vanilla non-fat no-foam lactose-intolerant extra-hot caramel machiatto.”
Barista hollering: -->“Double-Tall sugarfree vanilla non-fat no-foam lactose-intolerant extra-hot caramel machiatto.”

Then he pays the cashier the $19 or whatever it is, and the next person is up to bat.
And there’s going to be more hollering going on!
OK, freeze-frame!

What’s the deal with all the hollering?
Ha!
[I was born at night, but not last night!]
It’s marketing.
See, I know that if you actually ask a barista why they holler back the name of the beverage, they will say it is to ensure that they heard the order correctly. It is a form of confirming that they make the correct drink for the customer.
But I know better!
I’m thinking of the lucrative fringe benefits of the hollering!
Now everyone within a mile radius has heard all about this fancy beverage the guy just ordered. Get it?
It’s called advertising. Of an almost subliminal nature!
If the Starbucks is attached to a bookstore [as this one is here]…. people on the other side of the place who were not even thinking about coffee, hear all the hollering going on, and they say to themselves… “Dang nab it. That sounds right good. I think I’m gonna get me one of them there Double-Tall sugarfree vanilla non-fat no-foam lactose-intolerant extra-hot caramel whatchamahooeys!”
It’s like The Simpsons thing with all the yellowness and whatnot.
Someone, you can be assured, has thought this through!

The main reason I think that the hollering has to do with sales, is because no one ever hollers what I order!
See, I just get a normal coffee.
Never once has the cashier ever turned to the side and got out an airhorn and hollered, “This guy just wants a normal coffee” while someone else hollers back, “No problem, I’m all over it, I’m pouring the guy a totally normal coffee at this very moment!”
See what I mean?

No, the cashier just looks at me. Like I just fell off a cabbage truck.
And there’s that look in the eye. The look that says that if the world were full of cheapos like me, Starbucks would never be on the moon!

************