Adventures In Theater 12

I have been holding back from blabbing about how much I have been enjoying the His Dark Materials Trilogy, by Philip Pullman.
I’m now on the third book, called The Amber Spyglass, and I am thoroughly enthralled with the series. I think it is fabulous, and I highly recommend it to ye all!
When I am done with this volume, perhaps I will write an essay on my assessment of the trilogy.
For now though, let me relate yet another chapter from a trilogy that I myself could be writing, entitled, Why Do Retarded Things Happen To Me Every Day?©

So, on New Years Day I went to see what I intended to be a matinee presentation of the new movie, The Golden Compass, which is Volume 1 of the Trilogy.
Just so happens that my girlfriend Nicole is even in the thing.

I get to the theater and the cashier hands me the ticket, after I clearly enunciated the particular movie I want to see!
I never looked at the ticket, just walked to the long corridor and handed it to the kid there and he said, “Theater 12, to your left.”
So I went into theater 12. To my left.
Above the entrance there was a scrolling LED display in red, SAYING The Golden Compass.

I sat there for about three decades, while literal herds of children flooded the theater. They were on every side of me…. and I began to wonder what I was in for. I did not think The Golden Compass was THAT much af a children’s film. Like, the average age of the people around me was about….. FIVE!
But I just sat there. And soon I began to worry about the TIME.
Like the movie was supposed to start at 4:00 p.m. and it was now 4:20. And all of the movie trailers were for KIDS! Then the feature presentation started.
And I’m looking up at the screen.
At Alvin & The Chipmunks!
I’m in the wrong theater.
So I run out!

My God. My first thought was that I missed it by one.
So… I go into the next theater entrance. It’s packed. I run to the very back row where there is one empty seat [yes, I was ALONE…. well hell, my girlfriend is STARRING in the movie, right?]….. and I sit down…. and I look at the screen and there is a guy and a girl in a bed. Making out, like. I realize instantly that this is NOT The Golden Compass.
So now I run out of a second theater.
And in the corridor, I look at my ticket for the first time since I purchased it.
It says on it, Alvin & The Frigging Chipmunks.

And I realize that the cashier gave me the wrong ticket!
That is why the theater gatekeeper-kid told me to go to Theater 12.
And the scrolling marquee?
That was an announcement of where the NEXT showing would be!
Not the current showing.
So…. I go back to the cashier [same one] and complain vehemently.
The manager of the Cineplex was standing right there, so I walked back to the long corridor with her and I showed her where it clearly states that The Golden Compass is playing in Theater 12.
She reimbursed me for my original ticket and gave me a complimentary pass for the next showing of Compass, which was at 7:05 p.m. in….. guess where?

That’s right.
Theater 12.
← I liked the movie and Nicole was looking good in it [for sure] but overall, the book is about 48 times better.
Read the book.
Read all three of them. They’re terrific.
And if you go to the movie? → Check your ticket before actually walking in to the land of chirping chipmunks.

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