Tuesday, November 14, 2006


The guy down the hall from me wears about eighteen times too much cologne.
Every morning he wages a fresh assault upon my nasal passages, and my patience.
I don’t know what the exact brand name is, I cannot identify it, but whatever it is, he is applying it in excess!
In excessious day-oh!
How can you tell someone they are wearing too much cologne?
It doesn’t seem like a very civil thing to do. Especially since the extent of my torment is this very brief moment in the morning. Can I not endure it?
The other factor to consider is the perpetrator is a very nice guy. He and I leave at about the same time for work, and several times we’ve talked as we’ve descended down to the parking garage. Small talk, and all the while I’ve been hoping there is no sudden spark, or [God forbid] open flame, any sort of ignition, or we would both go up in a mushroom cloud.
The guy is way overdoing it with the scent.
He is a schoolteacher. Of little kids.
What is he trying to do? Impress ten-year old girls with his fumes?
I don’t get it.

Amazingly, he is NOT the same guy I mentioned once before, here on this blogpage.
No. That guy moved to an adjoining building here at the triumverate of condo/apartments where I live.
This guy is new.
And he's not my direct neighbor, he lives far over on the opposite side of my hallway.
But the fumes!
OK, so why am I mentioning this today?
Well, because today, for the first time, my annoyance level reached a new..... Annoyance Level.
I was still IN MY OWN APARTMENT, and the wretched smell seeped through, under the door I guess, as I was putting my shoes on and kissing my cat goodbye.
In wafted this ferocious odor!
my apartment!
That's going too far!
And I said to myself, “OK, this time, if he is still out there waiting for the elevator, DAMMIT, I am going to say something.”
But he wasn’t.
Hence, I didn’t.
What would you do?
Is there some way I can take legal action?

For moron, I mean, more on my own scent habits, CLICK HERE!



Isabella said...

I thought this sort of stuff was easy for guys. I'm told, by a guy, that a guy could, without all the petty politics and overanalysis us women are prone to, walk out into that hall and nonchalantly, even aggressively, accusingly, say something like, "Holy crap, that's some kind of powerful cologne stink! Is that you?!" And a normal guy would get the message.

But I wouldn't know what to do. For 20 years I've been telling my mother her cologne gives me a headache and she just laughs me off.

sfp said...

Well, I'm so highly allergic, I wish everyone would wear no scent at all. Patrons at the library never realize that the sneezing fit that I launch into as they're approaching the desk is because I can smell them coming.

And I wish everyone would cease with all the room deodorizers while they're at it. My husband and I had to go to the bank this morning to get a form notarized and the smell of air freshener almost knocked me down when we walked in the door. I had to keep a finger under my nose and breathe through my mouth until we were back in the parking lot.

But I don't know how to tactfully tell someone to tone it down.

cipriano said...

Good points, thank you Isabella and Susan.
A friend called me tonight, after reading this blog and said, [without even saying hello to me first]... "Why don't you put an anonymous note under his door?"
It's a good idea, but I don't think I could do it.
I will endure!
Once I myself got a note under my door, and it was because my shower made this horrid noise way down in its hidden pipeworks when I flipped the water on. I guess it sounded like Armegeddon in the surrounding units.
The note said, "Do you realize that you can phone this number when something is wrong in your apartment?"
[followed by the superintendent's phone number.]
I felt like such a dork.

Stefanie said...

I'm with Susan on the scent allergies. Perfumes and room air fresheners awaken my allergies faster than I can snap my fingers.

I was going to suggest the anonymous note but your friend beat me to it so now all I can do is endorse the anonymous note idea. Just something short and sweet like "Your cologne is nice but please consider not putting so much on. Thanks" If you want to inject some guilt you can add "some of us have scent allergies."

Cold Molasses said...

Count me in for a vote in favour of the anonymous note. Or if you really want to have some fun, sign the note from the apartment next door to the guy...that would make for some interesting dynamics!

cipriano said...

Good suggestions, all.
In light of my current own problems with the management, I think I will lie low of the "fumes" issue for now!