Friday, November 10, 2006

My Burger Fling©

It is official.
I’m coming out of the closet on this one.
I’m addicted to Burger King and/or Burger King products.
[The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.]
Specifically, it is the Angus Steak ‘Shroom & Swiss Burger© [shown above] that is getting to me.
When I even think of the thing, it's like dynamite goes off in my brain.... Swiss, 'shroom, HISS, BOOM!

See, on the way to Starbucks, after work, I have lately been detouring past this Burger King and going through the drive-thru and ordering up one of these beauties.
Then I eat it, while driving down Ogilvie Street, with my car on sort of auto-pilot, out of control. → I’m breathing heavy, running reds, and steering with my knee.
It’s like I’m on crack!
No combo. No drink.
Just the burger. It is driving me mental.
Why can’t I stop?

Why?

It started a few weeks ago. Yeah, there were a couple of days where I resisted the urge. But overall? No!
This burger’s got my number.

It's the meatness of the thing…. I don’t know.
It is just so…. Angussy!
As it is, even before this current passion I only had one or two arteries unclogged, but now I am beginning to worry. What is going to happen to my youthful figure?
At work, around 5 p.m. I start shaking and [this worries me even more...] mooing!
I’ve seen the movie “Supersize Me.”
I’m scared.
Vewwy vewwy scared.

************

7 comments:

Marg said...

You made me want Hungry Jacks (our equivalent to Burger King!) so badly...but I was strong. I resisted, and had pizza instead!!

Dorothy W. said...

Get some help Cipriano!! You don't have to get through this alone :)

Cold Molasses said...

Burger King??? Oh my, it's worse than we thought. When I see the "billions served" sign at that other burger place, I think of your stomach...uh, I mean I think of you.

But Burger King? And the Angus burger? Sad Cip...very sad. All I've got to say, if make sure that 9-1-1 is one of the pre-programmed numbers on your cell phone.

Anonymous said...

Well Cip,

It seems your addiction may catch up with you in short order. BurgerKing Worldwide does not list the nutritional ingredients of the "Crack" Burger so I used a similar Angus burger for example. The number on the left is the rcommended daily intake and the number on the right is the "Crack" burger:

Nut. item Recommended Crack burger
Calories......2000cal.....650cal
Fat...........65g.........32g
Saturated fat.20g.........14g
Sodium........2400mg......1670mg
Protein.......50g.........42g
Cholestrol....300mg.......238mg

As you can see, if this addiction continues, you may not be around very long to keep your readers entertained and educated.

What you need is ...

an INTERVENTION

Good luck!

cipriano said...

Yeah, the problem is serious.
I am not sure I can quit it though, honestly. For one thing, I don't want to anger my tapeworm! It's pretty much expecting a Swiss & 'Shroom to drop on down there somewhere around 5:15 p.m. or thereabouts!
Those ingredients! That is scary!
Look at all that calcium! 2000 units?
Thanks for the advice, all!
I agree that an intervention is needed!

patricia said...

No wonder you've been interested in flatulence lately.

Burger King. Ewwwwww.

Stefanie said...

Burger King? You need to read Fast Food Nation and rent the movie Super Size Me. That will cure you!