Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Splash du Jour: Wednesday

The First Time

What would you say to my
I love you?
For the first time.
We once wondered.

Tell me to take it back?
Rewind the tape? Or
Say it again? Louder?
As I recall, there was indeed
An echo, but never louder.
Not once did you hear it
Louder, than the first time.

When the rock goes in
The splash comes.
After that, the ripples, silently
Move outward, trying.
Failing, as they thin and flatten,
To make sense of the intrusion.
They never do.
And ever, the rock sinks.
The commotion settles.

With indrawn curtains as witness
We know that something
Something that never said
A word, spoke three.
That best time.
The first time, when, flung
From me, they came to rest.
Drowned, on your bed.

© Ciprianowords Inc. 2007

Have a great Wednesday!


Beth said...

This is sad.
An intrusion? Drowned?
(Or maybe it's just my take on the poem...)

Anonymous said...

I love this poem!

I love the nuance and the suggestion of it. The controlling metaphor of the ripple effect...Whew! I can tell you have been reading Neruda...Oh oh oh. That last line!

Stefanie said...

"As I recall, there was indeed
An echo, but never louder.
Not once did you hear it
Louder, than the first time."

So beautiful and so sad.

Well done.

Cold Molasses said...


cipriano said...

Thank you for reading me, friends.
Poetry is a funny business. I never intended this poem as one of sadness, rather, I suppose, the most intense joy.
I've never thought of "I love you" as something that should be spoken loudly. But this is me. I mean, the poem is me.
I love the various interpretations.
Anonymous loves it, Beth and Stefanie, may perhaps like it but think it sad, and Cold Molasses finds that it causes him to hum a tune of some sort.
I am wondering now if such ambiguity in poetry is a measure of success or failure.

Stefanie said...

I think it depends on if you meant it to be ambiguous or not or if you mind it being ambiguous. If a poet intends to evoke a specific feeling and no one seems to have that feeling while reading the poem then I'd say it wasn't all that successful. But if you want it to be open to interpretation then ambiguity is ok. Just my thoughts. Take them or leave them as you wish :)

Cleo said...

I think it is intense and beautiful. The first time the man I loved the most said "I love you" it was a mere breath in my ear before sleep and totally unexpected even after a long time together-he was a man of few words and even less of romantic ones. It literally took my breath away and then I could not sleep. They were magic words-that's what this poem brings back to me. Well done.