Plus, I have psychological problems.
Once, many many years ago, [before some of you were born] when I was having even worse psychological problems than I have on a regular basis nowadays, I checked myself in to a convent.
I needed some R & R.
Reassessment & Reconsideration.
Reconfiguring & Realignment.
Reflection & Reallyprayinghard.
It was place called _______, nestled away in the mountains of British Columbia.
[You will soon know why I leave the name... unnamed.]
The nuns there were so calm and.... nunnish! They were so nice to me, and it was so quiet there. The main room, where the Main Nun would have her talks with me, it had a massive plate-glass window looking directly upon a mountain in the distance. Like a painting.
We talked a lot. And I prayed a lot. I got some needed realignment done.
They had a little library.
At the time, I was a huge fan of the Hitlerian-era German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
I had read nearly all of his works, including his Letters & Papers From Prison, but had never really read a biography of the man. And so I started to do so, during my spiritual retreat.
When it was over, I was not finished this book, so I took it with me.
But I told no one. I think I had some vague idea that I would return the thing one day.
But on top of not doing so, I moved away.
I still have the book, and took this picture of it minutes ago.
My theology has changed a lot in the intervening years. But still, a question hovers over my head this evening. I'm wondering if some of my dear readers will assist me in assessing which of the following scenarios most closely reflects my current state of culpability:
A) You will surely go to hell for having essentially stolen this book, regardless of the fact that you initially felt you would return it one day.
B) Everything mentioned in (A) above, with a few more years even beyond eternity added, because it was a Nunnery Library!
C) There is no such thing as hell, but even so, you have really canceled out all hope of going to heaven.
D) You should return the book via mail, with an explanatory note. [The address is stamped at the front of the book.]
E) Everything in (D) with sincere repentance added.
F) "F" stands for "Forget about it."
G) "G" stands for "God will not forget about it."
H) You obviously should check yourself in to some other institution of Realignment! [And don't steal stuff this time!]