Friday, April 09, 2010

How Germs Are Spread

In this blog I am going to [FREE OF CHARGE] recreate an actual timeline of events -- showing how, [in ways that can go unnoticed] -- germs are spread.
Mind you, most of you would not have done what I did, but never mind that for right now.
Here's the way it happened --
Last night I was reading my book [The Crazed, by Ha Jin] at Chapters [a big bookstore].
I was, as usual, sitting in one of these big nice leather chairs they have there, in the Starbucks. But the people around were talking too loud, so I relocated to a table, and an hour or so later I noticed that I had lost my Abraham Lincoln Museum postcard bookmark.
I went back to the chair I had been sitting at, but could not find the beloved bookmark. One of the Starbucks girls may have tossed the thing out.
This is when I saw one of these magazine subscription cards on the floor, nearby. Some magazine called Lou Lou. Never heard of it.
So I just picked it up, dusted off the big boot prints all over the thing, put it my book, and proceeded to the payphone to order a Mexican pizza from Cumberland Pizza.
[Your stories are way too detailed Cipriano!]
Oh, hush!
Fast forward the tape to TONIGHT… when I am again reading the same book in a public place, this time in a Foodcourt at the Mall. Mmmm… I had just finished a plate of noodles, beef & broccoli from Manchu Wok.
Dang it all if a piece of broccoli didn't get a bit wedged between two teeth, halfway to the back of my yapper.
Well, what do you think I did?
Extremely hygienic guy that I am, I took my new Lou Lou "bookmark" and just jammed it on in there. Oh yeah…. what a relief. The offending vegetable piece did indeed come out on the corner of the subscription card.
And yes, [in case you are wondering] I DID re-eat it.
But immediately afterward, it hit me.
I picked this damn thing up off the floor in a big bookstore!
And it had hoofprints on it at the time!
So now….. if I die from some sort of rare gum-disease, I just want you all to know, it's been grand blogging with you all! Guess I should travel with toothpicks, huh?
I am currently trying to wash away all memories of my disgusting actions by drinking copious amounts of Red Stripe beer.


Beth said...

You totally ignored the five second rule. Rest easy – I think the Red Stripe will do the trick. If not, you will be missed! ;)

Stefanie said...

Eeww! But as Beth said, I bet the Red Stripe fixed you up just fine.

Merisi said...