Sunday, March 11, 2007

Saying, Doing, Seeing.

Wow, this just happened, minutes ago.
I feel I must tell the world, or at least the three or four people that read my blog!

So I am sitting in a Starbucks right now, but a few minutes ago I was across the street at the Mall, starving. So I went into this one area that has a Tim Horton’s, a Burger King, and an Andalos Shawarma.
I went for the mid section.
Burger King is my downfall, as I have written extensively about, in the past.
In fact, if you recall my infatuation with the legendary Angus Swiss n’Shroom Burger [see here] I must now [sadly] report upon the demise of the aforementioned burger.
It was a rude awakening.
One night I went through the Drive-Thru, happy as an overweight lark.
“Angus Swiss n’Shroom please,” I told the static-y disembodied voice that had greeted me.
“I’m sorry. The Angus Swiss n’Shroom has been discontinued,” the guy said, as though that was something acceptable.
“It’s been WHAT?” I bellowed, realizing the truth as I said it. “Why was I not informed?”
“I’m sorry, but…..” [Static-y hum….]
“OK, I guess I’ll go with the Double-Whopper,” I said.
[And why not? I’ve got a defibrilator in the trunk, next to the booster cables!]
And so, my current poison is The Double-Whopper, which, for those of you who may not know, resembles a pie, made out of a cow!

OK, so minutes ago, there I am, eating one of these cow-pies, over at the Burger King counter, staring out at the passers-by, on Rideau Street.
A girl and a guy sit down next to me, with their tray of stuff from Andalos Shawarma. Andalos makes great Lebanese food. Very nice.
The girl begins to unwind the packaging from her chicken pita.
[Chicken pitas are wrapped in paper, just as you see in the photo, above.]
Well, to my horror, just as I take a sip of Root Beer and look over, she chomps down into the thing and manages to bite off a huge piece of the paper wrapper in the process.
I am now TOTALLY watching!
Oh my God, what should I do? What would Jesus do?
Should I say something?
[She is chewing away, currently oblivious.]
I said nothing.

I mean seriously, this is what boyfriends are for. To tell you that you are eating paper! And hers is sitting right there, he should tell her. It’s his responsibility damn it…
She swallowed the stuff, paper and all.
And now I am faced with a worse dilemna. Do I let the madness continue?
Do I tap her on the shoulder and say, “Ummm, excuse me? Yeah. You are totally eating paper?”
I did nothing.

I must confess, I sort of wanted to see her do it again.
But, with the next bite, she unwrapped it a bit and realized what she had done.
The teeth marks and all, the serrated edges of the wrapper.
Just as she looked at me I quickly turned again to the window, and I could see in the reflection that she was wondering if I had witnessed the paper-eating.
But hell no, I was by now making those annoying suction sounds with the straw, snorkling out the last droplets of Root Beer.
I saw nothing.



Soph said...

Oooooh. Ohhhh.
This is why the world is in its current messy state. What was it that Edmund Burke said? All that is necessary for evil to flourish in the world is for good men to do nothing?

Do not think that posting this conFESSional will let you off the hook either. Nor the fact that you made me squawk with laughter reading it.
No. The burden of this negligence lay solidly upon your beefy shoulders.

Some day it will return...and in retribution, not only will the Whopper be discontinued but - mark my words - some day you may youSELF be unknowingly wolfing down styrofoam - while an indifferent onlooker (perhaps even a voyeuristic blogger) looks on.

Watching you chow the thing down.

Yet unresponsive.


(You are way too funny...)

cipriano said...

The Whopper being discontinued?
You speak BLASPHEMY, Soph!
'Twould be a cataclysmic tragedy of biblical proportion.... like... like the plague upon Egyptian cattle in Exodus 9:6.
Because this is like a plague on.... like... already assembled hamburgers!
Say it shall not happen!

Merisi's Vienna For Beginners said...

Wicked, wicked, wicked! :-)))
The edible version of "Sir, your zipper ....", the eternal conundrum. ;-)

Dorothy W. said...

Ick! I probably would have done the same thing ... not said anything. It's so hard to interrupt and intrude on other people -- so potentially awkward!

cipriano said...

Exactly, merisi and dorothy.
What does one SAY?
"Umm.... excuse me miss, but the 'C' in Vitamin C does NOT stand for 'cellulose'?"
I was at a loss for words....

Merisi's Vienna For Beginners said...

"Mademoiselle, what sharp teeth you have got!"
(I mean, there were teeth marks on the paper!!!!)