Thursday, September 08, 2005

"You can't do that!"


Just thought I would write a few words about something really neat (bizarre? nice? uncommon?) that happened on the way home from the bookstore/coffeeshop tonight.
See, I have known for quite a while that one of my brake-lights was out in my car. But, in keeping with my role of World’s Greatest Procrastinator, I keep avoiding the inevitable.

In other words, my brake-light has been dead for quite a while!
People keep telling me that it is dead. Plus, the brake light in the rear spoiler, or fin, or whatever that thing is called.... that is dead too. My car is exactly like the picture shown here, an Oldsmobile Alero. I have driven an Oldsmobile of one kind or another for the past 22 years, exclusively. I know... I am SOOOO rowdy! I scare me!
[In true grandpa-like fashion, my unreasonable commitment to Olds has outlived this entire division of General Motors. Like 8-tracks and affordable gas prices, Oldsmobile doesn’t even exist anymore!]
But I digress...
Today I said to myself, “I’m fixing the dead light.”
Opened the trunk and saw that there were many screws to deal with, in the installation of a new bulb. One has to take the whole lens apparatus off, basically.

This is far too much work for me. I am an intellectual.
Just as I was thinking that I don’t even own a screwdriver, I happened to be driving past one of these oil-change places. I said to myself.... “They probably have screwdrivers in there, plus, they probably know how to use them.”
So,without even slowing down all that much, I steered Big Blue right through the big open doors of the place.
A whole team of commandos sort of materialized out of thin air, beside and below my car, and they nearly had the oil draining out of the thing before I stopped them, saying “No, no, no.... stop. I just want the brake light fixed.”
So the one guy emerged from the troops and told me to drive outside again, I guess because I was hogging the space reserved for real money-slinging oil-changy customers.
With Big Blue wheeled off the battlefield, I popped the trunk, and this guy was in there, already unscrewing stuff like a pro before I could get out of the driver’s seat and say “Yeah, how much will it cost me to get that light fixed?”
He says “Well, the bulb is about 8 or 9 bucks.”
He’s already got the lens deal hanging off the side of the car, and he goes back into the store with the dead one to get the proper new one. While snapping in the new bulb he says, “Can you step on the brake sir?”
And I do.
He says.... “Hey, did you know that two of the bulbs in the middle brake light are out.... this one up here?” tapping on the fin-spoiler apparatus.
I said, “Yeah. It’s been like that for about 41 years.”
He says “We’ll fix that up too.”
He hollers to this guy back in the garage area..... “Bring me the _______” [I forget what he said but it was some kind of thing that you use to get this other thing separated from the thing wherein a casing for three bulbs is hidden away.]
Pretty soon this thing is repaired too. Good as new. Two new bulbs.
Everything is back together.... I am applying the brakes and he is saying “Excellent. All is well.”
Then he sort of folds his arms this guy, and says, “Well now, you have a good day sir.”
And I say “Well, what do I owe you then?” and I have my hand on the door to go back in to the place and square things up.
But he says, “No, no, consider it a freebee. No problem at all.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. You can’t do that!” I inform him.
“I’m the manager of this place. I know that I can do it,” he says, and adds, “No problems. No cost.”
I am sort of..... amazed I guess. Looking for hidden cameras or someone to say they are kidding or whatever. What is happening here is sort of not normal.
I didn’t know what to say, so I said “If you are serious, I am going to tell every car-driving person I know, to get their oil changed here.”
And then he laughed and said “Just don’t tell them that we give away free bulbs.”
And then he went into the place, and I got in my car and drove away.
I’m still thinking “You can’t do that”.... but he did it.

____________

4 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Is someone wanting you to save on gas money, Cipriano?
GET A HORSE...is that the message?

Funny as all get out, you are. Only an "intellectual" could write about the everyday as you do.

By the way, I have this dome light in my car. . . and it has never worked quite right. . .

To quote a beloved comic character, I too demand euphoria, which is one reason I return to this site daily.
Love your work.

Stop procrastinating, Cipriano. Quit your day job and write.
Full time.

Best to you. . .

Anonymous said...

Hm, you're writing style seems to be catching on. Uncanny.