Thursday, January 03, 2008

Adventures In Theater 12

I have been holding back from blabbing about how much I have been enjoying the His Dark Materials Trilogy, by Philip Pullman.
I’m now on the third book, called The Amber Spyglass, and I am thoroughly enthralled with the series. I think it is fabulous, and I highly recommend it to ye all!
When I am done with this volume, perhaps I will write an essay on my assessment of the trilogy.
For now though, let me relate yet another chapter from a trilogy that I myself could be writing, entitled, Why Do Retarded Things Happen To Me Every Day?©

So, on New Years Day I went to see what I intended to be a matinee presentation of the new movie, The Golden Compass, which is Volume 1 of the Trilogy.
Just so happens that my girlfriend Nicole is even in the thing.

I get to the theater and the cashier hands me the ticket, after I clearly enunciated the particular movie I want to see!
I never looked at the ticket, just walked to the long corridor and handed it to the kid there and he said, “Theater 12, to your left.”
So I went into theater 12. To my left.
Above the entrance there was a scrolling LED display in red, SAYING The Golden Compass.

I sat there for about three decades, while literal herds of children flooded the theater. They were on every side of me…. and I began to wonder what I was in for. I did not think The Golden Compass was THAT much af a children’s film. Like, the average age of the people around me was about….. FIVE!
But I just sat there. And soon I began to worry about the TIME.
Like the movie was supposed to start at 4:00 p.m. and it was now 4:20. And all of the movie trailers were for KIDS! Then the feature presentation started.
And I’m looking up at the screen.
At Alvin & The Chipmunks!

I’m in the wrong theater.
So I run out!

My God. My first thought was that I missed it by one.
So… I go into the next theater entrance. It’s packed. I run to the very back row where there is one empty seat [yes, I was ALONE…. well hell, my girlfriend is STARRING in the movie, right?]….. and I sit down…. and I look at the screen and there is a guy and a girl in a bed. Making out, like. I realize instantly that this is NOT The Golden Compass.
So now I run out of a second theater.
And in the corridor, I look at my ticket for the first time since I purchased it.
It says on it, Alvin & The Frigging Chipmunks.

And I realize that the cashier gave me the wrong ticket!
That is why the theater gatekeeper-kid told me to go to Theater 12.
And the scrolling marquee?
That was an announcement of where the NEXT showing would be!
Not the current showing.
So…. I go back to the cashier [same one] and complain vehemently.
The manager of the Cineplex was standing right there, so I walked back to the long corridor with her and I showed her where it clearly states that The Golden Compass is playing in Theater 12.

She reimbursed me for my original ticket and gave me a complimentary pass for the next showing of Compass, which was at 7:05 p.m. in….. guess where?

That’s right.
Theater 12.
I liked the movie and Nicole was looking good in it [for sure] but overall, the book is about 48 times better.
Read the book.
Read all three of them. They’re terrific.
And if you go to the movie? → Check your ticket before actually walking in to the land of chirping chipmunks.



Beth said...

Ah, Cip, where did your childish wonder and delight go? It might have been fun to see Alvin, Simon and Theodore again - for old time's sake.

"Alvin!" "Okay!"

(My son read that trilogy so we have it here - perhaps I'll give it a go.)

Stefanie said...

Ah Cip, at least you got to see the movie and for free even. I plan on reading the trilogy this spring.