Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Where's the BEEF?

“Aww! Get SERIOUS!”
That’s what I said.
That’s the first thing I said last night after packing away all the groceries I had just bought.
Where’s the roast beef?
I cannot LIVE without the sliced roast beef stuff, for sandwiches!
My God!
It is not here…. was not there!
Then I noticed a few more things were missing. Like shampoo. Bread.
But the essential thing, the beef… no, this cannot be happening.
So I got in the elevator and went back down to my car, 150 feet below me.
It’s not there.
The only thing in the trunk of my car is the broken umbrella that I shoved in there over the weekend when it would not close properly. I busted some of its tines…. the thing is busted. And I had piled all my grocery bags on top of this upside-down still-OPENED umbrella. But no.
There was no missing bag of groceries.
All four of the missing items on my bill [a loaf of bread, a hunk of cheddar cheese, a bottle of shampoo, and the BEEF] were the last 4 things run through by the cashier.

So I called the store from work this morning. While my stomach growled from lack of roast beef, I asked the person on the other end if perhaps they might have my missing bag of groceries from last night.
Amazingly, I was told that there is actually some sort of “department” that handles such emergencies!
I was given another number to call.
When I was patched through to the right people, things started to happen.
They have a book.
And in that book is recorded the stuff that people like me leave behind.
I had no idea such a thing existed.

The girl on the phone made me recite my missing items. When I mentioned one or two things I figured that would be enough.
But no. There was only a silence.
She was waiting. [“My God, these people are serious about this,” I thought to myself….] Like what? Is there ANOTHER bag of groceries there that contains shampoo, beef, cheese and…….. some OTHER kind of bread, rather than my 100% whole wheat?
Is that what we're doing here?
Oh, well.
Only after I had correctly named all four items did she inform me “Yeah. We have that bag of groceries here. Come and pick it up.”
And so I did.
Hey, just because I won that $30 million Lottery last year doesn’t mean I am going to just abandon a $15.00 bag of groceries!
And especially not when it’s got nice sliced cow in it!



Anonymous said...

Pert Plus???

You really should spend more money for a good shampoo, that stuff is junk, it'll make you go bald!

Jeane said...

That's funny. When I was in college, so many students walked to the grocery store they had a delivery service. One day I bought my groceries and walked home, but the delivery never showed up. I called hours later, and they couldn't find it. So they told me I could come back to the store with my receipt and replace all the same items. I did. It was annoying but hey.

I felt terrible when later that night my upstairs neighbors came over with the bag of groceries. It had been delivered to the wrong apartment.

Anonymous said...

Hey there, anonymous, I couldn't agree with you more.

I mean, he is a step up from bar soap here, but doesn't cipriano seem like more of a Redken man to you?

Or at the very least, something with a little more zip to it? With a reviving coffee-laced scent?

Try an actual brand, cip...L'Oreal, Paul Mitchell. If you need some help in choosing, let me know.

I can keep an eye on those wandering groceries of yours as well.

Anonymous II

Cipriano said...

I don't HAVE enough hair for my shampoo to really matter!